Village
Eyam Village (pronounced ‘Eem’) in Derbyshire is famous for its self-sacrifice during the Great Plague of 1665-66. The villagers decided to isolate themselves from surrounding communities to avoid spreading the pestilence. I can’t help but think the Pelis should have done something similar to shield the good people of Ibstone from what occurred on Sunday.

In a good piece of match management, the fixture was shifted to Ibstone, second only to Little Marlow in terms of windchill factor, as Ibstone cover their wickets. With the weather in the week being less than tropical it meant we could get a game so hats off to the Adam and the oppo.

Toobes won the toss and elected to bowl on what looked to be a fairly tasty wicket.

This is the band of men who took the field…

Tony Harris
Suranga Suranga
Nick Nick
Josh Josh
Toobey Toobey
Niron Niron
Raheel Raheel
Tiger Tiger
Thili Thili
Adam Adam
Rupert Rupert

NB: one Peli named after a night club, several others like Bond villain sidekicks

With Skip and ‘Cold Case’ opening the bowling things were ticking along nicely, one of the Ibstone openers looked like he’d played a bit but so far so good. Josh bowled one opener and had their first drop caught down the legside by Irongloves. This is when we should have put up the barricades or simply buggared off. The next Ibstone pairing put on 150. I guess we didn’t do as well as might in the field and I am reluctant to dwell on anything for too long but special mention must go to Raheel who you may remember as ‘Karl’ from the Marlow match. Raheel is a quality cricketer, bats, bowls and keeps so what happened next was so out of character/the ordinary.

The ball was hit to the outfield. Imagine a long jumper, say Jonathon Edwards. Picture him doing the long jump. Cut out the run and the jump and have in your head just the landing. You got it, feet first finally landing on his backside, meanwhile the ball disappearing to the rope. That is, after long deliberation, the best way to describe it.

Another thing to note from the purgatory that was our time in the field was some very village field setting. I hope everyone was wearing a pedometer as Skip moved players from long off to long off, deep square to deep square. As one direction involved walking headlong into the ‘Ibstone Zephyr’ there were bound to be some tired limbs (Thili, Tiger…) at the end of it all.

With the arrival of Tiger Tiger at the bowling crease out fortunes changed. Things did indeed burn bright as he castled the Ibstone opener for a well compiled 114. Tiger picked up another wicket as did Adam although there was a little confusion as to names in the scorebook with T Harris being credited with the scalp.

The Ibstone number 4 completed his century in the last over and set the total at 250/6. Run rate required 7.14/over.
Opening up for GMPCC were Raheel/’Karl’ and Nick Nick, a name which would prove to be a lovely example of nominative determinism.

The bowling at the top was economical due to the inability of the makeshift opener to hit the ball. Nearly putting his back out on several occasions trying to hit the ball the bat being used more as a walking stick rather than a vorpal blade. Raheel smacked a few with a healthy strike rate but at the other end the runs were rarer than as Voltaire would say “Men, generally going with the stream, seldom judge for themselves, and purity of taste is almost as rare as talent.” Something had to give. Attempting to ramp the opening bowler Nick succeeded in producing a fine tickle to the keeper which saw him on his way. Best it ended in failure as a better execution of the shot would have seen the ball go straight in his face and someone picking glass fragments out of his eyeballs. With our lack of medics in the team I think we got away with it there.

Raheel departed for a well compiled 29, there a big score brewing for ‘Karl’ as he’s getting good starts so it is only time when he cashes in.

The next pair carried on with a 50+ run partnership. Josh fell LBW for 35 and Tony carried on to 40. Both innings included some cracking shots, most of which failed to register with the Pelis on the side line, the oppo providing the only compliments for cover drives for four and sixes over cow corner.

We batted the full 35, ending on 163/9, losing by 87 runs. As a sign of disgust, the heavens opened as we left the field.

Beer courtesy of Ibstone allowed us to have an immediate post mortem. The verdict was Village, not even Village People, Village of the Damned, Furniture Village, Resident Evil Village (ask Tony), just Village.

A grand afternoon played in good spirits against a good bunch of blokes from the Ib.

Man of the Match: the older couple under the blanket on the bench with the Labrador.

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Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.