Ibstone should be called Ibstones as there are two actual stones and at least two concrete bins which could be misidentified as stones.

It was warm, deer gambolled on the adjacent common land and aircraft looped the loop in celebration of a fine English spring afternoon.

If the setting wasn’t enough Skip added to the arcadian pleasantness by deciding to bat.

JG and Asad opened up on sticky wicket in which the ball stopped, described by Asad like it might in fudge. A tricky start with JG departing early brought Ali H to the wicket. Some good drives, both on and off were brought to an end by a straight ball and an Ali swish.

During this passage of play our clumpire decided he would use his training to remind the opposition about the multiple beamer law. This was wrong on several counts, firstly the law states it is after 2 full tosses the bowler should be replaced, this was the third and secondly maybe Sunday cricket requires a little less exactitude.

Niron strode to the wicket and languidly manoeuvred the ball around with Asad keeping on keeping on. Niron played a flick off his pads, a shot he plays with a certain flair but unfortunately was taken with a fine catch by one of the Ibstone youngsters.

New Peli Rupert upped the tempo with some decent shots and running. Undone by the ball sticking in the wicket a promising innings came to an end.

Next to the wicket was the Pelis Kolpak. Expecting some grief from the opposition skipper after being a jobsworth about the full tosses Nic wasn’t really around long enough to attract any ire (the Ibstone skipper is better than that in any case). One cheeky leg glance for a single brought Asad on to face. A firm drive to the fielder, a call of yes, a burst out of the blocks by Nico and some proper pumping of the pistons left him short by a whisker. As it was Asad’s call and he was the senior batsman Nic was quite correct to run, thing is he didn’t. Out by miles.

Runs continued to flow from Asad when he was joined by Has. The correct shots, the quick running put a bit of impetus into the innings and when Has skied one to the long on fielder the Pelis were building to a competitive total.

Tony announced his arrival at the crease with an attempted swish and proceeded to play shots all round the ground. Some quick singles left the spectators hoping Tony would make the crease intact. But like his team mate before Tony was Asad’s second victim. Another shot, another call, another crestfallen Peli. Asad is either in the pocket of Ibstone or realising in a bowler heavy 11 he wouldn’t get a bowl and opted to take a couple of wickets in this fashion. Tony, like Nic before him was very understanding and magnanimous about the whole episode. (Possible name change the Great Missenden Magnanimists?)

Toobes joined Asad to see him through to a fine 100, Pelis finished on 184 for 7.

The tea was bang on. Lovely fresh sarnies followed by a rocky road slice with Crunchie bar in it. This was a real stonking dessert, rivalling the ginger crunch of the Peli tea.

With the unusual sensation of bowling after scoff the opening bowlers were miserly. Toobes’ first 4 overs going for 7, his 5th for 12. However at the other end Andrew ‘Saturday Night’ Wigfield bowled an immaculate line and length and when joined by Jaime the runs dried up like that bean bag in the window of the house opposite. We went to drinks with Ibstone on 50 odd for 2.

Rupert followed his strong batting with some very good bowling taking 2 wickets on a solid debut. His two full bungers put our clumpire in a bit of a bind and unable to help himself suggested to the Ibstone umpire “one more and he’s off” to which he replied ‘we don’t bother with that’. The poor day for our Kiwi just kept on trucking.

A double bowling change brought the Nironotwirler and Nic onto bowl. Nic set a field, Skip changed it, ‘don’t set fields for rubbish bowling’. This I think is some kind of Yorkshire mantra, a previous incumbent of the Pelis leadership used to say the same thing. But if the bowler is rubbish ergo you’ve set a field for rubbish bowling. Nic full tossed from the Common End, Niron twirled away from the other. The young Ibstone opener who had grafted for a well compiled 46 drove the ball back at Nic who proceeded to shell it like an oyster at a Hugh Hefner dinner. Next ball he slapped a four to get to 50.

Then Flounce McFlouncington reared his ugly head, Tony asked Nic if he was upset about the level of self sledging he had been subject to. His reply was of course not, he was upset that he was just a bit sh*t. One relief, he didn’t have to suffer this scenario:

Kids – “How was your game?”
Nic – “Was a jobsworth about the laws pertaining to full tosses, run out for 1, 2 misfields, dropped catch off my own bowling”

Tight bowling from JG and Has got us over the line by 37 runs.

A good game, nice weather, spot-on tea.

Man of the Match: Asad (as much as it pains me)

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Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.